Our Kids Are Paying Attention

The other day, my child repeated something I didn’t even realize I had said—same tone, same timing. It wasn’t a bad word or anything dramatic. It was just… sharp. Dismissive. Something I muttered when I thought no one was really listening. But someone was.

Child smiling, looking up in a black and white image with text "Our kids are paying attention" on the left. Mood is thoughtful.

We think they’re too young to understand. We think they’re zoned out, distracted, busy being kids. But they’re not. They’re paying attention. And not just to what we say, but to how we are.

They see how we handle stress. How we treat people when things don’t go our way. How we show up to school meetings. How we advocate—or don’t. They notice if we’re overwhelmed. They notice if we care.

They’re watching when we speak up for them.

They’re watching when we let things slide.

They’re watching when we apologize.They’re watching when we pretend everything’s fine.

And all of it becomes part of the story they tell themselves about what’s normal.

If we show them that it’s okay to be ignored, they’ll start to believe it is.If we show them that their education matters—that we’ll show up, ask questions, keep going even when it’s hard—they’ll carry that with them.

It shows up in the little moments:

• When we carefully organize their IEP paperwork—or leave it in a messy stack we don’t want to look at.

• When we respond to a teacher’s email with grace or with resentment.

• When we fight for what they need, even if we’re nervous or unsure how.

• When we say, “Let’s talk to the school about this,” instead of just hoping things get better.

Our kids are always learning from us, not from our lectures or advice, but from how we live.

That doesn’t mean we have to be perfect. In fact, we shouldn't be. Kids don’t need flawless parents. They need present ones. They need to see what it looks like to try, to struggle, to mess up—and then get back up and try again.

That’s how they learn self-advocacy.

That’s how they learn resilience.

That’s how they learn what it means to believe in themselves—because they saw us believe in them first.

So today, just pause for a second and ask yourself:

What is my child learning from me, just by watching?

And if the answer makes you wince a little, that’s okay. It’s not too late to rewrite the scene. Choose one small thing: how you talk about school in front of them, how you respond to their frustration, how you approach the next meeting. That one thing matters more than you think

.

Because they’re watching.

They’re listening.

They’re learning.

Even on your hardest days—especially on your hardest days—what you do matters.